


Generic (himbo, 13th century, oil on canvas, 1 x 1, measuring done entirely in idiots)

by Cheesecloth



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Crack, Creature Jaskier | Dandelion, Himbo Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, I cannot express enough that this is Crack, I know Geralt is Smart, Lemme have some fun, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Siren Jaskier | Dandelion, but let Geralt be dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheesecloth/pseuds/Cheesecloth
Summary: When will either of them ever enter a town and not be the center of trouble?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 6
Kudos: 95





	Generic (himbo, 13th century, oil on canvas, 1 x 1, measuring done entirely in idiots)

The widow glared with a fury that made even Geralt uneasy. And there was some level of relief in him that it wasn't directed at him. Unfortunately, it was directed at Jaskier, and that's never a good sign. 

"I hope there's no trouble here," Geralt warned. He stepped further out of the tavern's warmth and into the cold air that gathered at the center of the town like it was trying to choke them. Jaskier was tied to a signpost. 

He didn't look as worried for his life as Geralt would have assumed. Instead, the bard looked bored. That is, until, Geralt finally caught on to the enraged hisses outside of the tavern and followed it like a resigned moth to a flame. 

"G-Geralt, er, welcome!" There was something different about the bard, now that Geralt was focused on him. Maybe it was the gills that fluttered nervously at his neck. Huh. "Didn't expect you'd be out! I certainly remember you were adamant about finally getting a proper drink for the first time in _weeks_! You should go back in," he pleaded strangely. 

The witcher lifted a disbelieving brow at him. "And leave you tied up at the mercy of..." He peered curiously at the widow, who snarled at him. 

"Leoma Strudwicke," came the clarification. "And yes, there is trouble!"

An accusatory finger poked at Jaskier's cheek. "This thing is a siren! A foul creature to behold, especially in this port! My late husband was nearly snatched away by the claws of such a beast!" 

"Oh, sorry to hear about your husband," Jaskier said. "Lucky he got away. So, what fate fell upon the poor lad, if I may ask?" 

Leoma shrugged, animosity briefly disrupted. "If that drowner weren't a gotten him, it woulda been me to do it. Bastard would bed every woman but me, and then he'd blame it on account of my aging." 

Jaskier hummed. "Doesn't sound like it was a healthy _or_ emotionally fulfilling relationship. Have you perhaps traveled to Novigrad? Plenty of suitors there. 'S a big, _grand_ old city. I'm sure you'd find a better spouse there than in this small town since you know everyone already." 

"Oh, that sounds like a decent idea- Ah! You blasted fiend! You're using your power now, aren't you, to influence my mind!" Leoma gasped. Startled murmurs passed through the crowd like a wave.

Jaskier shrugged as much as he could against the rope. "Not really. I mean, you're right, I don't need to sing to charm, but I'd rather thought I was using common politeness just now." 

Leoma made an 'aha' noise and gestured at Jaskier to the rest of the gathering crowd. "There is no such common politeness here! This is further evidence of your conspicuous abnormality!" 

"Wow, you really do need to go to a different city. Really sorry to hear that," Jaskier whistled lowly. 

Leoma made an affirming noise, and Geralt sighed heavily. He should probably step in now and defend his bard. 

"I'm a witcher. I can take him out of this town, Leoma. You would know peace then." 

Leoma glumly huffed something under her breath about 'him?'. Geralt heard it clearly and blinked in surprise. He remembered the interesting conversation he had been listening in on in the tavern before things went a bit sideways. Something about a new field of studies at Oxenfurt. It was a very enlightening round of eavesdropping. 

"Oh, my apologies Jaskier. I shouldn't have assumed. What are your pronouns?" Geralt asked the bard still tied to the signpost. 

Said bard startled. "Are we really going to gloss over the fact that I'm a siren- oh alright, whatever. I prefer he and him, most of the time." 

"Right," Geralt said thoughtfully. "That should be easy to remember. Similar to my preference." A few of the men surrounding him nodded and murmured their own 'same's. 

"For fuck's sake- Geralt! My arms are starting to numb! They tied this too tight!" Jaskier squirmed impatiently in the bindings. His webbed fingers finally unwebbing as the general mood finally settled. 

"Right, 'm on it," Geralt meekly pushed through the reflective crowd and set upon freeing the bard. Leoma did not protest, too busy muttering her plans to pack it up and clear out of this wretchedly small town- well, at least it had a decent tavern. 

When they were on the Path and far from the town, Jaskier made a point to ask why Geralt hadn't reacted much at all to Jaskier _being a siren_ all along. 

Geralt sheepishly shrugged. "Makes sense, I guess. Explains why you smell like fish sometimes." 

Jaskier shrieked about worrying for fourteen years, tried to hide all his attributes carefully, all for, "-you not to care even a little that your best friend has been a fucking siren this whole time!" He growled. 

"I do care," Geralt protested. Surely, Jaskier should know that by now. Or should he not? Perhaps they need more explicit communication from now on. Hmm. That really was an enlightening tavern conversation. "I just thought it would be rude of me, as your boyfriend, to make it a big deal when I've loved you all along, and I'll continue to love you regardless, whether you are a siren, griffin, or bruxa." 

Geralt thinks he's doing a rather splendid job at this explicit communication thing. 

"Boyfr- _what?_ We're not dating- You _love_ -... Since. _Fucking_. WHEN?" 

Oh. 

Shit. 

Did that mean that Jaskier is going to break up with him now? 


End file.
